Friday, March 26, 2004

To all my friends, thanks to you for sending me chain letters in 2003/4! (thanks Ericka)

* I now check all my 'suspicious' mail for anthrax. (and keep lots of duct tape on hand)

* I delete everything that references my bank account. (especially from Africa!)

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped using Equal and using things containing Aspartame for fear of all sorts of ailments.

* I send along all the appropriate emails so that Jesus will continue to love me.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.

* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

* I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993...

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their Special e-mail program.

* My Recision phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid Vacation to Disneyland.

* But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow...

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will poop on you today at 7pm! :)

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