Yahoo! News - What Your Cat Is Trying to Tell You Oh Great.... Now they will tell on me.....Anyways, here is A Letter To Our Dogs (and Cats) Thanks Shelley!
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing
a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch
to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get
your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using
bathrooms for years, canine/feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other animals butt.
I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.
1. The dog(s)/cat(s) live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dog/cat a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog/cat. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups. The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.
Your so-called owner.