Wednesday, July 09, 2003

DRUNKENNESS

ALCOHOL WARNING LABELS
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
containers:
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
_____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
_____
WARNING:
The crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode.

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